Unexpected Reflections On My Past Self
Recently a former classmate of mine posted our high school graduation video to Facebook. I wasn’t a fan of high school. I never feel the wave of nostalgia people do when reminiscing over high school. I’m not even sure how I ended up with my own VHS copy of my high school graduation. It sits somewhere, never watched, in a box full of other random items from that period of my life.
Reliving the memories with my kids
The first time I watched my graduation video was roughly 15 years later with my children. Another classmate of mine had converted their VHS copy to a format that allowed them to post it on YouTube. Hearing my kids laugh at the quality of the video and how awkwardly I walked across the stage to accept my diploma made me happy.
Between the glaring late afternoon sun making it nearly impossible to see anything and the way I walked due to the poor choice I made in the dress shoes I was forced to wear, I’m glad my kids were able to witness me in the series finale of my high school awkwardness.
Seeing myself in a new light
Watching it the second time brought up a different set of thoughts and feelings. I assume it’s due to opening up more about my experiences with insomnia. I viewed the young girl in the video a lot differently. This time I did reminisce. Not about Friday night football games, homecoming, prom, and all of the other high school milestones most of us remember fondly. I didn’t participate in most of these activities.
What I saw in myself as I walked across the stage was someone who managed to get out of bed every day and still make it to class, even if I had only an hour or two of sleep the night before. I still managed to make good grades, participate in class, and always have my homework done.
Some days were not easy, but I still managed to be a good student. Regardless of how tired I was, I would go home and do my homework or study for tests. I didn’t cancel my plans with my friends because I didn’t sleep the night before.
How my attitude changed then versus now
Looking at myself then versus now, I’ve realized how much my attitude about insomnia has changed. As a teenager, it was easier to view it as something I just had to deal with. I probably assumed by the time I reached the age I am, it wouldn’t bother me anymore. Watching the video a second time a few years later, I didn’t expect what I took away from a video I’ve never really cared about.
It will probably be a long time before I watch it again if I ever do. I hope to get back to the point one day where insomnia no longer dictates certain parts of my life. It helped me see I have always pushed through, even on my worst days, and still could accomplish goals I set for myself.
Have you been able to push yourself to accomplish your goals? Join our site and share in the comments below.
Do you find your sleep is impacted by the change of seasons?