How to Annoy Someone Who Has Insomnia

As someone who struggles to get enough sleep that I am able to remember my own name each day, I am often easily annoyed. I am not saying you should annoy someone who has insomnia. This is a wake-up call to those who are agitating the sleepless masses without realizing it. If I said no pun was intended, that would be a lie. I know it is corny, but I am tired. So-called "dad jokes" amuse me when I am tired.

While I have learned to walk away rather than snap, I am still irritated. A lot. It is hard to be chipper and easy-going when you are constantly exhausted. There are some things that bother me more than others, and I am certain I am not the only one.

Silence the morning people

I loathe morning people. You know the type. They wake up with a smile on their face and hop out of bed like they are ecstatic to be awake. Anyone who says good morning in a sing-song voice should be exiled. Those of us crawling out of bed after tossing and turning all night and staring at the ceiling until dawn do not think it is a good morning.

I am married to a morning person. He knows that I need some time to wake up. He knows I need that time to be quiet. I feel fortunate that he is understanding of this. There was a tense period of adjustment, but we both survived it. In the beginning, there were many mornings that I wished he would develop laryngitis. I am sure there were many mornings when he was agitated by my foul mood. We learned to co-exist.

Banish the people who sleep on command and snore

My husband is also one of those people that can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. To be honest, no pillow is needed. He can fall asleep sitting in a chair. Why? Why are there people who can fall asleep anywhere at any time while I cannot sleep at all? Fine. Good for him. I am jealous of his ability to sleep, and I know it. I wish that was the most annoying part.

He snores, and he snores loudly. He can fall asleep within 5 minutes and go straight to snoring. It adds insult to injury. Here I am desperately trying to sleep while someone who can sleep on command is making more noise than a dozen chainsaws. It is not fair, and it is annoying.

Exile the people who enjoy a good nap

I am not against napping. I am annoyed by the people who take a 20-minute nap and feel like they have slept a full 8 hours. Anyone who wakes up chipper after a quick nap irks me. There are times when I nap, and I wake up less than chipper. I wake up extremely agitated. That is why I try not to nap.

Anyone who wakes up from a short nap with a smile on their face should be shipped to an island far away from an annoyed insomniac. Keep your happy smiles to yourself, please. I do not want to know how refreshed you feel when I am struggling with fatigue. Just shush it.

Telling the truth

Okay, I will be honest. I am indeed annoyed, but this irritation stems from jealousy. Oh, how I wish I could wake up happy to start a new day. I would love to be able to fall asleep as soon as I go to bed, and I would not even care if I snored when I did. Feeling great after a short nap sounds heavenly, and I am envious.

All of these things would make me happy, but I am stuck in a cycle of sleepless nights and grumpy days. This does not mean I want to hear your cheery voice in the morning or listen to how refreshed you feel after your nap. Keep all that to yourself. It annoys me.

My fellow insomnia zombies, if you are annoyed by the chipper people who get a good night’s sleep every night I feel your pain. Put down the torches and pitchforks. I have signs.