A Letter to My Old Friend, Sleep
I’ve been thinking of you lately. About all that time we spent together – so comfortable with each other and just cocooned in a bubble of happiness. Meeting you was the happiest time of my life. You changed my world, and every day my eyes were bright and my spirit bursting with love. I smiled on the inside. You brought me so much peace and comfort with your gentle embrace and your loving touch. You were here for the best times of my entire life. The days were sparkly and our nights a blessing.
We were so good together
I really miss that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. We were so comfortable with each other and I felt we had such an amazing connection. We understood each other. I thought we were together forever, but then you left. I know I did some things that really messed around with you. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back. You have no idea how badly I wish that. I have learned from my mistakes.
We stayed in touch for a while and I was grateful just to have you for moments here and there. But eventually, you left completely and it just devastated me.
I was in complete shock at first
Surely this can’t be forever? Where are you, my friend? I love you - can’t you come back? Why do we have to be apart?
I spent days curled up in my chair crying – I missed you so much. I couldn’t do anything but crawl out of bed and bemoan the fact you’re not a part of my life anymore. How did this happen? Why did it have to come to this? I grieved for what we had and feared it would never come back.
Gradually I got used to your absence and cried a lot less
But missing you left a gaping hole in my world that couldn’t be filled. I journaled and prayed and hoped that one day you might think of me and get back in touch. Just knowing you thought of me would be such a gift.
And then you did. Out of the blue, you made quiet and tentative contact. Not a lot – just a shadow of what we had, but it gives me hope and that is a powerful thing. Sometimes now you get in touch and it’s almost like old times. Then you’re gone again, and I feel so sad. I never know when you’re going to turn up. And I never know when you’re going to leave me again. When you’re here, our time together is always tinged with the fear that perhaps this is our last time.
What if I never see you again?
But this reconnection brings me hope. Hope that one day we will be together and our adventures can restart. It might never be the same again, but we could have something new and different. I dream of all the times we can spend together. How comfortable we will be just being quietly in each other’s presence.
I have to believe that one day we can rekindle what we had. I have never stopped loving you – not for a single second. We’re meant to be together and I can’t believe this estrangement is forever. I have to believe that with time and patience, we can rebuild what has been lost. That we can persevere and somehow just push on through.
I’m so grateful you’re occasionally back in touch
You have no idea how much you’ve lifted my spirits. I have memories of that amazing summer we spent together and I hope that one day it will come to pass again.
I want you to know that I always love you and I miss you so much. Please stay in touch - you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Are people dismissive of your insomnia?