My Internal Clock Reset and I Am Sleeping. I Am Scared.
For whatever reason, my internal clock has reset and stabilized. I should be happy that I am able to sleep, but I am scared. I fear the day when it switches back. My body is getting used to a good amount of sleep, and I know the change will be exhausting.
I am used to getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep every night. Sometimes I am able to get 6 hours. That is what my body is accustomed to because it had to adjust to functioning with insomnia. Now my body is adjusting to a more normal sleep schedule. While it is enjoyable now, I will pay for it later.
Getting more sleep is nice, but scary
At the moment, I am getting between 7 and 8 hours of sleep each day. I fall asleep around 3:30 AM and wake around 11:00 AM. I have very little trouble falling asleep at that time, but it is impossible to go to sleep any earlier. After that, I have been staying asleep the entire time.
This is very unusual, and it is wonderful. I wish I could enjoy it more. However, I know it is only a matter of time before it changes. I am afraid of sleeping too good for too long because the level of exhaustion that occurs once the insomnia returns is unreal. The longer this continues, the worse it will be in the end.
The fear of getting enough sleep
I should not have to fear sleeping well. It seems insane, but this insanity stems from decades of insomnia. I have had brief episodes like this before. I feel so rested and very productive. Then insomnia suddenly returns and I crash. The longer I sleep well, the harder it is to readjust.
I have a lot going on and have many things to do. I cannot be sidetracked by extreme exhaustion, but I know it is coming. My body has grown accustomed to functioning on 4 to 6 hours of sleep. That 4 to 6 hours is usually interrupted, so it feels like less. Still, that is what I am used to. I function well because I have learned to function on less sleep.
Anticipating a crash landing
Once I get spoiled to getting more sleep, returning to my normal state is a huge adjustment. My body and mind balk. I am in a fog and cannot concentrate. Small movements seem to take every bit of energy I have. I curse the days of restful nights as I struggle to make it through each day.
If you have insomnia, you have likely experienced a crash landing from sleeping well. I have experienced it many times, and that is why getting more sleep scares me. I feel like I am unable to enjoy it because I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Worrying about sleep causes more worries
It is unnerving to feel on edge each night and worry about getting a good night’s rest. Of course, we all want to feel rested, and we crave sleep. The problem is getting more sleep sends me into a state of panic, knowing what is to come. There are repercussions for a changing sleep schedule, and now I wait to pay for my time in dreamland.
Do you experience anxiety over changes in your sleep schedule? I would love to hear about your experience.
Do you have any other health conditions besides insomnia?