Insomnia and Medical Gaslighting: Why It's So Hard to Be Taken Seriously

For anyone who has lived with chronic insomnia, you know the drill. You explain to a doctor, probably not for the first time, that you can’t fall asleep, or you can’t stay asleep, or that you wake up feeling like you never slept at all. You describe the exhaustion that bleeds into every part of your life, the way your brain feels like it's moving through quicksand, the way your body aches from the lack of rest. And then, instead of validation or real help, you’re met with a dismissive nod, a suggestion to “just try to relax,” or worse, an assumption that your sleeplessness is self-inflicted.

Medical Gaslighting

Medical gaslighting, or the experience of having your symptoms downplayed, dismissed, or outright ignored, is frustratingly common in the insomnia community. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been told that my troubles sleeping are due to stress, or anxiety, or not exercising enough, or drinking too much caffeine, or that it’s because I don’t follow some generic sleep hygiene tips, and if I just implemented all of those things, I’d be fine.

Not to mention, when medications are involved, there’s often a layer of judgment: concerns about dependency, warnings about long-term use, or a reluctance to prescribe anything at all. And if I dare mention the deeper toll it takes on my mental health, my relationships, or my ability to function, I find that I’m usually met with raised eyebrows or the suggestion that maybe the real issue isn’t insomnia, but depression.

I have lived this cycle more times than I can count. I’ve walked into appointments armed with sleep logs, symptom lists, and research articles, determined to be taken seriously. I’ve explained, over and over again, how my inability to sleep is not a choice, not a failure of willpower or relaxation techniques. And yet, I’ve left appointments feeling unheard, unseen, and, worst of all, like maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should be. Maybe it really is just stress. Maybe I really am overreacting. That’s the thing about medical gaslighting…it makes you question your own reality.

Inherent Frustrations

What makes this even more infuriating is that sleep disorders are incredibly real. Not only do they exist, but they often accompany or are rooted in underlying conditions - for me, that would include autoimmune diseases, chronic pain disorders, hormonal imbalances, AND neurological issues. And I know I’m not the only one. For many of us, insomnia is not a standalone issue but part of a much bigger picture—one that takes time, effort, and often trial and error to untangle. And yet, instead of being met with curiosity or a commitment to figuring out what’s wrong, we are often met with skepticism.

This is where the frustration mounts for me: Why is the burden of proof have to lay on my shoulders to have my suffering be taken seriously? Why do I have to push back against providers who seem more interested in minimizing my experience than in helping me find a solution?

Continually Searching for Validation

So where does that leave us? For many, it means advocating relentlessly for ourselves, for second opinions, for specialists who actually listen. It means researching our own conditions, compiling evidence, and sometimes even educating our doctors about the complexities of sleep disorders. It means finding community in others who get it, because while insomnia can feel isolating, the truth is, we’re not alone. And it means pushing back against the idea that our struggle is anything less than real.

Because it is.

And we deserve to be heard.

If you’ve been dismissed, ignored, or made to feel like your insomnia is “all in your head,” know this: You are not imagining things. Your struggle is real. And you deserve care that reflects that.

Keep advocating. Keep pushing.

And most importantly, keep believing in yourself—even when the medical system makes it hard to do so.