Circadian Rhythm? I Have No Rhythm. I Have Insomnia.
There seems to be no rhyme or reason to my sleep patterns. I would not even call it a pattern. Sometimes I sleep. Sometimes I do not. Occasionally, I sleep for longer periods of time. This throws me even further out of rhythm, and I really do not have a rhythm as it is.
My problem is not just that I cannot sleep or do not sleep well. My problem also involves sleeping at what I consider the wrong times. I can go all night staring at the ceiling and often will not fall asleep until close to sunrise. Not only are my days and nights mixed up, but my body does not seem to recognize that nighttime is the right time to sleep.
Mixed up days and nights
As time changes approach, I get more and more tense knowing I will be even more out of sync. It is always good when I can get more sleep. However, it is not great when that sleep time is during the daytime. I have things to do.
I have tried many times and many ways over the years to train myself to sleep at night. This has had limited success, but it never stuck. I always end up back at a point where I am up all night and sleep all day. Saying I sleep all day is a bit of an exaggeration, but only partly. Being in bed until noon is pretty normal for me.
Time is a relative concept
Another issue is that time seems to run past 24 hours for me. The days seem to stretch out and overlap. It all runs together after a while. I think it seems that way because I sleep at odd times rather than what most consider normal. The days seem too long or too short, and I always feel behind.
One of my biggest complaints about my insomnia is that I feel like I am missing out on so much since I have no sense of schedule and I am sleeping during the day. My productivity suffers because I really have no rhythm. There is no rhyme or reason to my schedule.
My sleep schedule limits my daily schedule
Oh, how I would love to be able to get up at 8 AM every day and have the full day ahead of me. There was a brief couple of months when I did. I wish I could do that every day.
I was able to get so much done and knock out a very lengthy to-do list. That list is quite long now, and it does not seem possible to tackle it all in the limited time I have each day. The fatigue is overwhelming at times, and that makes it even harder.
I would love to have all day to get things done rather than feeling rushed to take care of things before my very normal bedtime. I go to bed every night around 10 PM. no matter what time I get out of bed during the day, so I do have limited hours to get things done.
Seeking ways to sleep at normal times
It seems the only way I might have a chance at having a more normal schedule would be medication. I am leery, as I worry about side effects, addictive properties, and building up a tolerance. There was a time when I was prescribed a medication for sleep. I developed a tolerance to it in less than a month and it no longer worked.
I am also worried about becoming dependent on a sleep aid to get to sleep. Basically, I am afraid.
I really need to find a way to have a more normal schedule. If you have any ideas or suggestions, I would love to hear them.
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