Chaos and Insomnia

It has been a rough couple of months at home for my family. I'm not talking about run-of-the-mill COVID-19 rough, but we have struggled through unimaginable things over the past few months. This has taken my insomnia to a level I did not believe possible. Even my prescription medication was not helping me sleep. I went several consecutive nights with no sleep.

For my son's privacy, I will not share what happened. He was the victim of a crime, and we are in the process of working with the justice system. Thankfully, we have found an excellent therapist, and it is making a huge difference for him. It has not been an easy road for our family since mid-February.

However, we are a strong family and we are determined to get through everything together.

My husband's stroke

Roughly a month after what happened to my son, my husband had a stroke. It was a typical weekday evening at home that almost changed our lives forever. He has a heart condition which they believe contributed to the stroke.

Our youngest son and I watched him almost die in front of us. I heard my 14-year-old son sobbing in a heartbreaking way. However, I couldn't comfort him because my husband needed my immediate care.

Hospital rules

Due to the COVID-19 rules in place, only I could go to the hospital. My closest family member lives an hour and a half away. When I called her, she had just taken a sleeping pill and was unable to drive. Thankfully my soon-to-be brother-in-law was able to meet me and take him to my mom. During the 45 minute drive back to the hospital, every scenario ran through my head. Entering the ER, I could see the medicine given to him via IV to dissolve the clot was working.

New thoughts keep me up at night

It is 4:33 in the morning as I write this. I am worried about my son's mental health and about my husband's physical and emotional health. As a family, we have decided to all participate in Chris' new stroke diet, which has been a transition.

When I feel anxious, I hyperfocus on stroke healthy recipes the whole family can enjoy. I am NOT good at cooking, so I also watch cooking videos on YouTube at 3:00 in the morning. This isn't a way to avoid negative emotions, but it is a constructive way to combat the anxiety.

Rational Rachael – I don't know her

There have been several nights in a row I have not slept at all, worrying about both of them. Rational Rachael knows what is and isn’t in my control. Part of my brain, however, has told me since childhood, horrible things will happen if I do fall asleep. This is also part of my diagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder, but my psychiatrist forgot to mention how big of a role it plays in insomnia.¹

I have been researching different therapies, some unconventional, because this is negatively impacting my physical health now too. 

Has anyone tried an unconventional method to treat their insomnia, and has it had a long-term healing effect? At this point, I am willing to try almost anything proven safe and effective.