Insomnia Separated My Husband and Me

If you are anything like me, sleep is vital to your existence. And, it is also nonnegotiable for my pain management. While I can sit here and say this now with certainty, it took many years of pre-AS (ankylosing spondylitis) diagnosis and post-diagnosis, as well as treatments to figure out what works best for me and my family to cope! Living with pain, managing children and family, and coping with insomnia presents so many challenges. Sometimes, in order to find healthy solutions for everyone in the family, a few changes may be necessary, including separate sleeping rooms with insomnia.

That being said what I’m about to talk about may feel a little bit taboo, but I promise you what is worse than taboo subjects is having a bad night's sleep.

“My husband and I stopped sleeping together because of AS pain.”

Why we tried separate sleeping rooms

Shortly after my diagnosis, my youngest daughter was then 1 year old and a walking machine. My 2.5-year-old was learning how far he could run from me while I held his sister. The days were long and tough. And, the nights became unbearable.

I would toss and turn, often I would cry from pain and frustration as my husband tried to offer any help he could. It became overwhelming to deal with the pain and worry. I would keep my husband up every night. He is the main support in our family, which fueled more anxiety.

How sleeping separate worked for us

So we began to sleep in separate beds. It was a natural shift after many of these difficult nights where my husband would end up in our spare room anyways.

Soon, our conversations moved to evening check-ins to see where my pain levels were before bed to decide if we should sleep separately. We noticed even on low-pain days, sleeping together just didn't give us the best night's sleep!

Did separate sleeping rooms work?

This was the BEST decision we have made both for my health and our relationship. Both of us sleep better! Also in doing so, we found out that we each have different requirements for what we need in a mattress, so maybe a sleep number bed might be an option in the future!

The benefits of separate rooms with insomnia

In the meantime we know we have different sleep habits and routines in general. Although it may seem like sleeping apart would create distance, I feel like we are closer.

But for now, this works great for us! We do check in with each other frequently to make sure each of us is still feeling good about the decision. Also, it’s important to note this was never a decision made out of anger or frustration. I think that’s why we have continued to sleep separately with success!

How do you manage sleeping with a partner with pain, AS, and insomnia?

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