What Insomnia Gave Me and Then Took Away

Insomnia has been around for me for many years. It has kept me from sleep and cost me many dear things in my life. This morning as I sat and watched another sunrise, I could not help but smile.

Surprisingly, I have actually had a very good week where sleep is concerned for a change. This is interesting because it has been a very emotional and stressful week for me. Last night was not great though, it was back to the old pattern of toss and turn, wake up, and find things to do in the middle of the night.

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Sleeping out and keeping busy at night

Usually, I like to be prepared when I am staying over at other people's homes. I pack an arsenal of things to keep myself busy in the night. This time though I had to leave at short notice for a family emergency and I did not pack my usual kit.

What I did remember were my headphones and a book to read and that was enough to carry me. With a major change in climate and maybe just the sheer exhaustion of what was going on, I managed to get at least 5 hours of sleep each night, which is impressive for me. I did find myself waking up really early when the whole world was still asleep.

What insomnia gave me and then took away

Sunset and sunrise are really by far my favorite, I love the changing colors in the sky and the closing off of one day and the starting of another. I like to use this time to reflect and debrief from my days or prepare for the new ones. 

I almost never get to see sunrise anymore. I end up falling asleep just before the sun rises, and I have truly missed that start to my day. It is this random beautiful thing that insomnia gave me and then took away. 

I used to be awake early due to not being able to sleep more and then it changed to only falling asleep before sunrise. So often I would ask people if they saw the beautiful sunrise, and the answer was more often than not, no.

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Starting my day right

Despite how little or much sleep I have gotten. I do my best to start my day in the best way. I feel that it sets the tone for the rest of my day.

Oftentimes, when my insomnia is at its worst, I cannot be bothered. But I make a huge effort to start my day right. I make a cup of coffee, sit in the fresh air, and, if I have the energy, I write down how I may be feeling, or what I want to achieve that day. If not, I do this mentally while I listen to some beautiful music - staying off my phone for the first 30 minutes when possible.

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When insomnia rules

Now, while this does nothing for my insomnia, it really changes how I feel, how I manage my day, and what kind of attitude I take into my day and to my family when they wake up. I am that person who gets mighty grouchy when my insomnia is ruling my life.

I have had to actively make a change with this, it is not fair to the people around me or to myself actually. I find that making a point of starting my day right, makes a big difference to me and the relationships with the people around me.

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