Insomniac All My Life

By Ratlady44

2 min read

Hi guys. I've been an insomniac all my life. When I was in my pre-teens, I stayed awake all night playing out pseudo-romantic fantasies; as I went into my later years this changed to me staying up all night writing stories and embryonic novels.

Still unable to sleep

When I got (disastrously!) married I used to sneak downstairs after he went to sleep to write or to do housework because I just couldn't sleep. After 16 years I got very happily divorced from the controlling narcissistic lunatic but was still unable to sleep. I'm aware that this is a habit I've perfected since my very early years. I can go two or three days and nights without any sleep at all, ending up screaming for sleep at the ceiling. A 'good' night would see me get maybe a couple of interrupted hours at most. I have NEVER ever slept during the day, I would find that impossible. My GP said I should keep a sleep diary because I'd find I "got more sleep than I realized". After that, I turned for the first time in my teetotal life to alcohol to knock me out, it's the only way I can get any sleep at all.

Insomnia is often dismissed

My GP and several psychiatrists (I'm bipolar) have always been totally dismissive of this dreadful affliction. A week's worth of sleeping pills is the most they can offer. As I write this Michael Mosley is on the BBC talking about insomnia, but he too isn't focusing on the horror of it, choosing - as they all do - to talk about sleep apnoea as if genuine insomnia doesn't exist. Sleep deprivation is used as an extreme method of torture by terrorists - why won't our health services take it seriously? My dismissive GP (he told me if I couldn't get to sleep after 20 minutes to go downstairs and have a slice of toast and then try again, repeat as necessary) has since had some sort of issue and retired early: not bloody surprised!

Seeking connections

He made me give up on getting any help, but tonight I thought it was time I tried to connect with people suffering like me. I suspect from the way I've been treated that insomnia is a truly hidden disorder. When TV programmes talk blithely of getting at least 8 hours of sleep, I give a harsh bark of sarcasm - in a week maybe. Looking forward to seeing on here how prevalent 'real' insomnia is and how people deal with it. And of course, if there's any hope at all. Thanks x

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CommunityMemberc966de Member
Insomnia is brutal, hit me a year a half ago. It has caused many problems for me. Not sure if diabetes is the blame? I am 71 and have had diabetes for 30 years.
1. Lori.Foster Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="CommunityMemberc966de" user-id="9744376"/>. You are not alone. It seems many people with diabetes also have sleep disorders. Here is an article about sleep and diabetes from our sister community, <a href='https://Type2Diabetes.com' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>Type2Diabetes.com</a>, that might interested you: <a href='https://type2diabetes.com/living/sleep-problems' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://type2diabetes.com/living/sleep-problems</a> . Did anything change when the insomnia set in? Wishing you the best. - Lori (Team Member)
Lori.Foster Community Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="Ratlady44" user-id="5460038"/>. My heart goes out to you. I have a few family members who are bipolar, so I know how critical sleep can be to controlling the disease. Untreated insomnia can quickly lead to depression or mania for people who are bipolar, so I hope you have found better doctors and better treatment since you last posted this. One family member finds that a few days in a row of seroquel allows him to sleep and gets him back on track. He has a great relationship with his psychiatrist, who trusts that he knows when he needs it. Thinking of you and sending the very best of all wishes your way. - Lori (Team Member)
Tracy Hannigan, MOstMed, ACE-HC Moderator & Contributor
It's so painful to have insomnia dismissed in this way. The public health messaging around sleep - in my opinion - is very gaslighting for people with insomnia. If people with insomnia could get 8 hours of sleep, they would. Lack of 'sleep opportunity' is not the same as insomnia and they are speaking to people burning candles at all ends, not those who cannot sleep regardless of what they try. You've found a community where we do care, and I'm grateful for your story. Warmly, Tracy (Team Member)