Fight Club

Last night I could not sleep. I tried for hours, lying there in the dark with my thoughts. My brain felt like a busy train station — different thoughts racing in and out, the thoughts leading to many other anxious thoughts. So, I decided that I needed to distract myself.

Time to give up on sleep

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, so I propped up my pillows and made myself comfortable. I turned on my salt lamp and my TV. I was flicking through Netflix. I didn't want to watch something new.

When I'm this tired, or it's this late, I don't have the brainpower to concentrate on something new. I didn't want to put on a series because either I won't stop watching, or I will fall asleep with the telly on. Usually, when this happens, I get woken up at some point by the noise from the telly. Once I am asleep, I do not want any interruptions.

Anyways, I decided to search through the movies. I wanted to watch something that I've seen a few times before, but not something that I watched recently.

I decided to watch 'Fight Club'

It is a brilliant movie. I remember in the first year of my degree, we had a little project. We had to pick a movie and write about its psychology. I wrote about Fight Club! I remember watching this movie for the first time. I was left extremely confused.

If you haven't seen this movie, I would recommend you do! It's a great movie about insomnia that has many plot twists.

Appreciating this movie even more now

When I did a project on this movie, I was absolutely fascinated by the psychology behind it. But it is only now, after living with insomnia, that I can appreciate this movie even more. If you've seen the movie, then yes, I resonate with the movie, but I am not living a completely different life that I know nothing about. At least, I hope not.

'When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake.'

I can totally relate to this quote from Fight Club. When I sleep, I never sleep properly. I either wake throughout the night, or I only feel half asleep. Like I am asleep, but I know I am asleep and if I wanted to wake up, I could just decide to. It feels more like I am daydreaming. I miss being completely asleep and having no control over being able to wake or not.

Floating through life

After many, many sleepless nights, I feel like I am just floating through life, not really living it. Time passes really fast; I don't notice this time passing. It's like a blur. Living with insomnia has caused me to detach myself from reality. I especially feel this in the mornings, when I wake up feeling delirious.

Anyways, it's a pretty long movie about insomnia that I watched because I have insomnia, and ironically, I fell asleep.