Balancing Human Connections as an Insomniac: Dating
Last updated: February 2022
Before diving into this article, I want to briefly recap part 1 which I highly recommend reading if you haven’t yet. In part 1, I spoke about how suffering from sleep issues can really impede on our social lives.
I also shared some personal examples of how my sleep disorder has gotten in the way of my relationship with my loved ones. And lastly, I briefly explained how I understood there is a balance for many of us between wanting to keep to ourselves when we aren’t feeling well with wanting to have a partner who loves us unconditionally.
Finding a true partner
While I know it may feel hopeless at times, I am here to tell you it is far from it. Below are some key things I’d like you to think about.
Constantly working on understanding yourself and improving yourself is often the catalyst towards true self-acceptance. If you are okay with who you are and appreciate all you have to offer in the world (regardless if you aren’t able to be the most bubbly or productive person 24/7), you are more likely to have self-confidence. I have found continuing to work on my own issues and accepting my limitations goes a long way towards finding a true partner.
People are likely to be more understanding than you think
Remember that everyone has something they are sensitive about or worried about being rejected over. Even though a prospective partner may not suffer from insomnia or a chronic health condition, that person is likely self-conscious about some other area of their life.
Sleep disorders are more common than you may think . While there is a difference between chronic insomnia and having issues sleeping every now and then, you never know who struggles or who knows someone who suffers from insomnia. People are likely to be more understanding than you think; especially if it is the right person.
I am not trying to negate the very real anxieties that come with thinking about dating or actually being in a relationship when you suffer from chronic sleep deprivation. I just want to remind you that being an insomniac doesn’t mean you can’t find real love.
Dating tips for insomniacs
If you are truly looking for a life partner, you likely don’t want to waste time. Be upfront about your sleeping struggles, when the time is right. If the conversation seems to be going well, share some of your fears. Opening up about fears and/or anxieties to a prospective partner makes way for them to be vulnerable as well. That is how real intimacy begins.
Try to encourage sleepovers to be at your home in the beginning. Being surrounded by your own things and comforting surroundings will allow you to feel less anxious around bedtime. Once the relationship progresses, hopefully, your partner will have had a chance to learn and adapt to your sleep needs.
If you are unable to keep a date and you feel comfortable with the person, be honest about how you are feeling. Then suggest something more low-key or something else you feel more comfortable doing. Even if it doesn’t happen, you are still showing you are interested and no one gets the wrong idea.
Learning from each other
What have your experiences been dating? Are you concerned about starting a relationship because of your sleep disorder? Do you have any thoughts or tips for us?
Remember, the more we share the more we show others they aren’t alone. Plus, you never know what you may learn from the community.
What do you do at night when you can't sleep?