Insomnia and the Point of No Return

I arrived last night at approximately 11:00 PM. Where? It's easily called the point of no return. I know it was 11:00 because that's the time I normally try to be in bed. Last night was different, though – I am on break.

Catching up on my Netflix binging is high on my holiday to-do list, and I was prepared to stay up later. If I am being quite honest about it, I not only arrived there, I passed the point of no return by several hours. Not a smart move on my part.

Ignoring the warning sign

My insomnia is becoming more and more predictable, and I knew exactly what I was getting into last night. I could feel myself begin to doze a bit as I was deep into the last few episodes of a series I had been trying for weeks to finish – a very dangerous place to be so close to bedtime. Curiosity won over common sense.

I was doing that strange thing where I can hear the show I am watching, but I am telling myself I am still paying attention – with my eyes closed. Before I knew it, I was slowly waking up, feeling groggy, and had missed a third of the episode. That, friends, was the signal I didn't heed.

There's more to insomnia than the inability to sleep

That’s the funniest thing of all about my insomnia. There is, without a doubt, a warning before it hits, and it happens like clockwork. I have to ask myself, How is it that sleeping just a little is the signal that somehow leads to no sleep?

I know better, but I still tend to feel like insomnia is the inability to sleep at all. There is much more to it than that, but I continue to be in awe of the fact that my body gives me a slight reprieve and allows me to sleep just a tad before playing with my mind the way it does. Our bodies are strange things, indeed.

The doze knows

With almost no exceptions, the quick little doze-off I experience is my sign to run to the bed. When I don’t pay attention, I almost certainly miss my opportunity to enter a comfortable state of sleep.

Last night, I missed it and even tuned it out. I cursed myself for rewinding that episode, rearranging myself on the couch, and acting like nothing had happened. There I sat, setting myself up for a long, long night of tossing and turning.

Paying the piper

It's my own fault – this time. I could definitely have cut down on the restlessness if I had just called it quits after the dozing. I didn't. Instead, I sank myself into that blasted show for 2 more hour-long episodes and even dragged myself to bed with the next episode cued up on my phone in an attempt to lull myself back to sleep.

Needless to say, I was not successful. I had had my chance hours earlier, and it was time to pay for my crimes. Pay I did. I spent the next 2 hours fighting to find a comfortable position. My mind raced, and I could not settle into a sleepy state in order to salvage what was left of the night.

I know better

So, here I am. Writing this on about 2 to 3 hours rest – I won’t say sleep. That just doesn't seem appropriate for what I scraped by on last night. I know better. Really, I do.

Maybe it was worth it last night to stay up late and do something mindless on break, but it will be a whole different feeling when work hits next week and not one I cherish facing.

Have you found yourself ignoring your body's cues? Tell us about it in the comment section.

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