Finding Light in the Darkness of the Night

I feel most creative at night. When I cannot sleep, many thoughts rush in and out of my mind. Everything I did not do that day, due to pain, fatigue, or lack of sleep, I want to do at night.

I live at home with my family, so during the night, I need to be mindful of them sleeping. I write the most at night. I study best for college at night. I feel motivated and most like myself in the stillness of the night.

And as of lately, I have had the urge to write poems. I’m not very good, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

Finding light in the darkness

Thank you moon for this light,
In the darkness of the night.
My brain awake,
But for what sake.
My body needs to rest,
Is this sleepless night a test?

Is this right?
It is getting bright.
I need to sleep,
But my pain is too deep.
Why does this happen to me?
My mind does not feel free.

I need to slumber,
The sheep now have numbers.
Where are my zzz’s,
And how do I get these?
It is now morning,
And I have not been snoring.

Another day,
Without sleep, will I decay?

The moon is magical

I have always found the moon magical. It controls the tidal seas. I find space magical and beautiful. The stars, planets, and mostly the unknown. There is so much out there that we do not know. At night when I cannot sleep, my mind wonders about what is happening in space now. It is fascinating.

There is something about the bright shining moon amid the darkness of the night that is magical. It is like hope. Through the darkness of night, there is still light. The stars, the moon. It reminds me of no matter how dark our lives get, there will always be light. When I feel like there is no light, I remind myself that with time, there will be light again.

The passage of time

The stars I am looking up at now, the light left them as much as 14 billion years ago. This is an incomprehensible length of time for a human, who rarely lives more than a century to understand. But miraculously, I can see their light. Thinking about this and the passage of time helps me to remain positive.

Maybe, just maybe 1 day I will no longer live with insomnia. Maybe there is a light to this darkness. That with time I will have a regular sleeping pattern and chronic insomnia will not rule my life. Maybe 1 day my pain will be more than manageable. And it will not keep me up at night. Maybe 1 day I will stop feeling exhausted. Maybe I will stop dreading going to bed.

I want to turn these maybes into definitely.

I think this can be done in 2 ways.

1. Determination – I am determined to help myself be the best me. This starts with sleep. I need to try harder. I need to force myself back into a routine. I need to control my pain. I need to find things that work for me.
2. Hope – Hope is a very important thing. Hope is what gets me through the bad days. The days where my pain takes over and sleep is non-existent.

I have hope and I am determined not to lose this hope.