Just One Night's Good Sleep
That random conversation that leads people to ask each other if you could have 1 thing, what would it be?
If I could have 1 wish
Now if you ask many of those who experience insomnia what they really want, the chances are really good the answer is going to be just 1 good night's sleep. That used to always be my answer anyway. Hindsight taught me that I should rather wish for continuous nights of good sleep. Because let me tell you, that 1 night of good sleep, as in 1 – is not what I need. More times than not it lands up being a total disaster.
Sleeping 4 hours
The battle is on, 4 hours is often my average sleep. Because I experience insomnia on a regular basis, this is normal for me. Now there is a part of me or all of me that has simply learned to adjust and I am fully functional. Or rather, my version is fully functional on 4 hours of sleep. I get through my days being perpetually exhausted, doing what I need to do. There are even occasions when I wake up feeling rested and manage through most of my day till the 3 PM slump.
My body and mind have learned to adjust as I cannot just stop living, working, and being a mom. Life carries on. It has a way of just moving on without you if you don't choose to live. So most days, this is how we operate. In the back of my mind, however, there is that ever-present wish: "If I could just get a good night's sleep."
They do say that you should be careful what you wish for, I should have heeded this warning.
Versus sleeping 8 hours
Last night I did it, having not felt well the day before and yesterday, I crawled into bed early with my daughter. Can I just add that this is optimism at its best?
Lo and behold, I fell asleep and managed to stay asleep for most of the night, only awakening properly at about 6 AM. Let me tell you something: I woke up and felt like a freight train had run me over.
Here I was laying in bed, firstly, a little confused as to the time. Due to normally being awake multiple times a night, waking up to my alarm for the second time is just strange. Secondly wondering why, if I had gotten all this sleep, did I feel this terrible? Having decided that I needed some time to "defrost" and actually wake up properly I was sure it would pass.
So alas here I am many hours later, and while I do not feel as horrendous as I did when I just woke up, I am feeling very fragile and exceptionally tired. This has me convinced that I function better when my body and mind are accustomed to the lack of sleep.
My mind is more foggy than usual, I simply cannot seem to get anything done at all, which is deeply frustrating. All I want to do is crawl back into my bed and sleep just a little more. It seems to occupy my every thought during the day. I am thinking of ways I can make it work if I have a nap. The reality is that I cannot. So, here I go through my day awaiting tonight to see what surprises await me at bedtime.
Being almost sure that, if I lay my head down, I would have a lovely nap. Importantly I know that if I nap now, there is no chance of me even vaguely being able to fall asleep tonight again.
Just 1 good night's sleep?
So lesson learned. When I wish for good sleep again, I shall be sure to choose my words more carefully. Requesting many nights of good sleep consecutively.
Do you sometimes feel worse after a good night's sleep? Please share a comment below.
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