My Insomnia Success Story

Insomnia dropped me into a pit of insanity and almost took my life. Last night I slept 7 hours. A lot of things have changed to finally reach my insomnia success story.

Early to adult years

I don’t know how well I slept as a baby – there is nobody left to ask – but I do know I was a pretty active child. I remember very early years lying awake in my bed, fidgeting, fidgeting, fidgeting. Until my mother would come in and tell me to go to sleep. As though somehow the telling would make sleep possible.

My poor sleep continued throughout my adult years – I had a lot of difficulties getting to sleep. Difficulties staying asleep. And if something disturbed my sleep at any hour, I couldn’t return to a state of slumber.

But I just accepted it for decades – “Isn’t this normal?” I’d think to myself. Apparently not. Some people routinely sleep 7 to 9 hours a night – without interruption. Jealous is the only word that comes to mind.

Treatments for insomnia failures

By the time I was in my 40s, my sleep was appalling: 2 to 3 hours here and there. By the time I hit 50, it was worse. It was right about this time I started having a mental health decline. While there were a lot of contributing factors, severe sleep deprivation was a major problem. Doctors started trying to treat me.

Sleep hygiene

Sleep hygiene was discussed repeatedly. And in great detail. Herbal and over-the-counter suggestions were in abundance. “Take melatonin,” so many people yelled in my general direction. The trouble is, I also have severe restless legs syndrome (RLS) and things like melatonin, antihistamines and psychiatric medications all exacerbate RLS - which in turn keeps me awake all night long.

Medications

For periods of time, I was given clonazepam which did work, but is not a long term solution as it tends to cause tolerance and dependence. No doctor was prepared to prescribe it too often; but it did help for periods of time.

Hospitalizations

Roll on to 2020 and as a global pandemic smashed through the world, changing life as we know it, my mental health spiralled to an all-time low and I spectacularly imploded. I’d been surviving on 20 minutes of sleep every couple of days for months and the toll was too high. I was hospitalised for 9 weeks, spending 8 nights in a psychiatric ICU.

Sleep studies

My sleep was observed by outsiders and it was established I was not making stuff up – I was unable to sleep at all. The doctors quickly worked hard to find solutions for my body to rest. Initially, I had very high doses of clonazepam, 2 mood stabilisers, increased doses of my 2 RLS medications and a new medication I’d never tried – zopiclone. I was taking high doses of 6 different drugs just to sleep. It took a while but eventually, it worked. It felt like my body had completely forgotten how to sleep at all and needed to be retrained.

Adjustments to meds

Over the course of 9 weeks, we actively worked to reduce the dosages down and to eliminate clonazepam as a regular sleep aid. By the time I left, I was taking pramipexole and lyrica to treat RLS, mood stabilisers (lurasidone and lamotrigine to treat bipolar II disorder), and zopiclone to treat insomnia. I started doing something I’d never done in all my 54 years – I was sleeping 5 to 8 hours a night. Every single night. Uninterrupted solid sleep. It was a miracle.

Two years later I continue to take the 5 medications that support both my mental health and insomnia – I have learned the 2 are closely intertwined for me. When 1 goes out of wack, the others quickly follow.

I have had people tell me that taking medications to sleep is cheating. That it shouldn’t happen and there are “natural” ways to sleep. I want to slap them with a dead fish. If I could sleep without pharmaceutical assistance, I would do so. Never again do I want to sacrifice my sanity and if taking regular medication keeps me on the straight and narrow, then that is a price I am willing to pay.

My insomnia success story

After 50 years of bad sleep, now most nights, I sleep well. And I feel rested the next day. When I don’t feel rested I can nap – something I could never do before because my body was trained to fight sleep at every turn.

I finally feel like an insomnia success story.