Horrible insomnia for many many years

I'm in my 60s and have struggled with insomnia for decades. I can't seem to settle my mind down enough to drift off. I'm having a horrible time.

There have been times in the past when my dr would prescribe zopiclone, but not often, and now, not at all.

A few years ago, I was sent to an overnight sleep study at the local hospital and did manage to fall asleep for an hour and 40 minutes. They determined there was nothing physically wrong keeping me awake and that my problem is sleep anxiety. I struggle relaxing enough to drift off and they suggested CBTi (cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia). Problem is I can't afford it - it's $140 an hour!

At night I take 300mg melatonin, magnesium, 500mg gabapentin, 150mg trazadone and a 50 mg THC gummy. My dr won't prescribe sleep meds and I'm at a total loss as to what to do. 🤷‍♀️ I am really really struggling with this as nothing seems to be working for me.

I need to convince myself that I really look forward to going to bed but truth be told, I don't. I dread it. I need to totally change my thought process regarding sleep. Every morning when I wake up, I immediately start worrying that I might not be able to sleep that night. And then, of course, it usually ends up taking me several hours to fall asleep. And then it starts getting light out --- ugh.

I just hate this. Any ideas on what might help me stop worrying about getting to sleep?

Thanks for reading this.