I am so sorry for your loss. I can certainly understand wanting to be pill-free. While I haven't had experience with Xanax, I have gone through a few spells when I need Tylenol PM to sleep. I moved from every night to every other night until I felt I didn't need them anymore. I still find it necessary every once in a while on particularly difficult nights.
I am sharing an article with you on weaning off sleeping pills. I hope you find it helpful.
https://insomnia.sleep-disorders.net/weaning
Wishing you all the best! April, Insomnia.Sleep-Disorders.net, Moderator